$18 million over player salary cap budget something something something… CHEATING! Their main colours are blue and white! YUCK! Not one cop car overturned amidst Stanley Cup celebrations! WEAK! A lighting for a logo is STUPID! LAZY! Whatever THIS was:
The police car chosen by Montreal police in a ‘Midsommar’ style ceremony to be a sacrifice to Canadiens’ fans in case the Habs win the playoffs is happy they lost Game 5 of the Stanley Cup playoffs. ‘I was really worried that after Game 4 that they would gain some sort’ve momentum and make it … Read more
Quebec Health authorities have rejected the Montreal Canadiens’ request to allow more than 3500 fans into the Bell Centre to watch game 3 of the Stanley Cup finals. The Quebec Health authorities, however, have accepted that fans can meld to form a single ‘superorganism’ right outside the Bell Centre. ‘We need to respect and abide … Read more
Everyone get a load of this DIMWIT on Reddit who seriously thought there was a beaver in the middle of downtown Montreal. Like, really – A BEAVER? He thought the groundhog was a BEAVER! What a DUNCE!! Like, come on – read a BOOK or something you SIMPLETON. That’s obviously NOT A BEAVER – you … Read more
All Italian Montreal bars and restaurants are becoming Olive Gardens today in order to adopt and use the famous Italian eatery’s slogan ‘When You’re Here, You’re Family!’ in an attempt to get around the two families per household rule in time for the opening Euro Cup 2020 match between Italy and Turkey. ‘We think it’s … Read more
Following the SPVM’s successful borrowing of a helicopter from the Sûreté du Québec in an effort to help instill an air of dystopia and tyranny upon park goers last Friday night by hovering menacingly above the city with a searchlight on; the SPVM is now looking to borrow delivery drones from Amazon to help remind … Read more
Montreal pigeons are now parrots. MTLBlag has received reports that local Montreal pigeons have transformed into parrots. As of press time it is unsure as to what caused the pigeons to become parrots. Montreal meteorologist Bryan Glass suspects it might be the Millenial-like patterns of winter causing the current temperatures to be warmer than usual. … Read more
The STM revealed plans today to generate power for the Metro by installing wind turbines in it’s butterfly door entrances. “For several years we’ve heard complaints about the butterfly doors being very heavy to open and that the wind blast that escapes when you finally manage to open a door might make it harder for … Read more
P.K. Subban, a defenceman and the alternate captain for the Montreal Canadiens, surprised SAAQ patrons this week when we he made an unexpected appeareance at the Place Dupuis outlet in order to renew his license. “Wow, it’s amazing. He’s a millionaire and I see him on TV all the time and now he’s waiting in … Read more
In hopes to remove the negative press off the city of Montreal’s decision to dump 8 billion litres of waste into the St.Lawrence river; the city is turning the dump site into a venue for it’s latest electronic music festival. Branded as Flush Fest 2015; the new electronic music festival hopes to ease the transition … Read more
CANADA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced yesterday that he has plans to totally take your shift on Saturday night. Upon learning that no one is available to take your Saturday night shift at the bar so you can go catch the Habs game at the Bell Centre; Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced that he … Read more
MontREAL, Quebec. — As much a fixture of the Montreal fashion scene as tight black leggings, hipster-tight jeans, and Quebec flags worn as capes on St Jean Baptiste; the Montreal Police Pants have become a leading fashion trend since they burst out onto the scene 2 years ago. These cargo-styly military pants, fashionably worn under … Read more