Quebec Public Health Authorities Will Not Allow More Fans Inside Bell Centre but Will Allow Fans to Form Single ‘Superorganism’ Outside of Bell Centre as they Surround Singular Projection Screen.

Quebec Health authorities have rejected the Montreal Canadiens’ request to allow more than 3500 fans into the Bell Centre to watch game 3 of the Stanley Cup finals. The Quebec Health authorities, however, have accepted that fans can meld to form a single ‘superorganism’ right outside the Bell Centre.  ‘We need to respect and abide … Read more

Montreal’s Italian Bars and Restaurants to Becom Olive Gardens So They Can Adopt ‘When You’re Here You’re Family!’ Slogan to Bypass Only Two Families Per Table Rule

All Italian Montreal bars and restaurants are becoming Olive Gardens today in order to adopt and use the famous Italian eatery’s slogan ‘When You’re Here, You’re Family!’ in an attempt to get around the two families per household rule in time for the opening Euro Cup 2020 match between Italy and Turkey. ‘We think it’s … Read more

SPVM to Borrow Drones from Amazon to Help Surveil Walking Groups Consisting of Two or More People.

Following the SPVM’s successful borrowing of a helicopter from the Sûreté du Québec in an effort to help instill an air of dystopia and tyranny upon park goers last Friday night by hovering menacingly above the city with a searchlight on; the SPVM is now looking to borrow delivery drones from Amazon to help remind … Read more

BREAKING: Pigeons Now Parrots

Montreal pigeons are now parrots. MTLBlag has received reports that local Montreal pigeons have transformed into parrots. As of press time it is unsure as to what caused the pigeons to become parrots. Montreal meteorologist Bryan Glass suspects it might be the Millenial-like patterns of winter causing the current temperatures to be warmer than usual. … Read more

P.K. Subban Makes Surprise Visit to SAAQ

P.K. Subban, a defenceman and the alternate captain for the Montreal Canadiens, surprised SAAQ patrons this week when we he made an unexpected appeareance at the Place Dupuis outlet in order to renew his license. “Wow, it’s amazing. He’s a millionaire and I see him on TV all the time and now he’s waiting in … Read more